Tag Archives: friends

12 Days of Gratitude – Lisa

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Lisa Serrao

If you want to see the face of love, then you merely have to see my friend Lisa (the one who doesn’t need Rogaine).

A high-energy spitfire who gives of her time and her heart without a second thought, Lisa somehow manages to care for everyone she knows while still having a blast herself. And for her compact size, she has a laugh that fills a room and your soul.

To watch the glimmer in her eyes and feel the warmth of her smile is to know you are in the presence of a great spirit.

 

(Part Five of my 12 Days of Gratitude…because the rest of the news sucks)

12 Days of Gratitude – Kevin

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Kevin Scott

This is my friend Sweetums…I mean Kevin…a man whose body had to be so large simply to contain his great heart.

Actor, comedian, puppeteer, voice of God, Kevin has more talent than any one individual should, but it is his smile and laugh that set him most apart from everyone else. When Kevin is amused, all of Kevin is amused, and his laugh is a sonic hug that embraces you and makes you feel special.

If you have never been hugged by Kevin, you are seriously missing some love in your life. It is totally worth the risk of asphyxia.

(Image ©edwardambrosius)

P.S. You can check out some interesting work by Leo, a mutual friend, below.

(Part Four of my 12 Days of Gratitude…because the rest of the news sucks)

12 Days of Gratitude – Piper

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Piper

This is my spirit guide and friend Piper, the bracing rush of fresh air that makes the world turn with her vivacity.

No one’s pushover, Piper eagerly embraces everything and everyone the world has to offer and gives a thousand-fold what she receives. You cannot help but smile in the presence of this beauty who warms your cheeks with laughter, your heart with joy and your soul with love.

She is a whirlwind that will make everything else in your life seem dull.

P.S. You can follow Piper on her life journey on her blog: Pipe’s Adventures/Living for Happiness

(Part Three of my 12 Days of Gratitude…because the rest of the news sucks)

12 Days of Gratitude – Nick

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Nick BR

This is my friend Nick, an amazingly creative, nerdy soul who can’t stop giving of himself.

Although Nick may not say much until he gets to know you well (or until he sees a TARDIS), he is eminently worth engaging. And once you do find your way into his heart, he is an eternal refuge for weary souls and buoys your worst days.

Those who know Nick hold that gift dear. The rest of you should open yourself to this special man.

P.S. I firmly believe Nick will hate that I did this.

(Part Two of my 12 Days of Gratitude…because the rest of the news sucks)

12 Days of Gratitude – Marsha

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mowsh

This is my friend Marsha (aka Mowsh), who is not only a beautiful and talented actor, she is also incredibly fun, funny and loving.

You will be hard-pressed to find someone more willing to offer a warm smile, sly wink or caring shoulder.

If you know Marsha, consider yourself lucky. If you don’t know Marsha, you should rectify that soon.

(Part One of my 12 Days of Gratitude…because the rest of the news sucks)

Top 50 Events – A personal perspective

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On Monday, November 18, I celebrate my 50th birthday. To commemorate the half-century, I have tried to look back and capture my fondest memories or most life-changing events.

The following list is not in order, although the subject of event #2 would likely have no problem believing she ranks after #1 and possibly as low as #5. She can be assured little of this would have nearly the meaning or significance to me without her presence for much of it.

  1. Had my sketch comedy performed at Second City Toronto
  2. Married an amazingly intelligent woman
  3. Interacted with a Henson puppet
  4. Saw Star Wars (you cannot overstate the impact of this on me)
  5. Wrote my first screenplay
  6. Met Nicholas Lemon, puppeteer, actor, friend
  7. Coached adult hockey (beer league but it was hockey)
  8. Performed stand-up comedy (never again)
  9. Discovered the Beatles (not saying I was first to)
  10. Was bylined in a magazine
  11. Wrote sketch comedy for a television show
  12. Attended Patrick Roy’s last game as a Montreal Canadien
  13. Watched a Habs game at the Forum and the Leafs at the Gardens
  14. Snorkeled in Barbados, Costa Rica and Hawaii
  15. Became friends with my brothers
  16. Was a scientist
  17. Performed improv on the Second City stage (as part of SC Training Centre…don’t want SC mad at me)
  18. Visited Chichin Itza
  19. Taught college/university students
  20. Owned a collie named Rebel
  21. Photographed orcas in British Columbia
  22. Went to Disneyland
  23. Attended the Austin Film Festival
  24. Met Chris Vogler, author of The Writer’s Journey
  25. Published my own magazine Aliquotes
  26. Experienced 9/11 from Washington, DC
  27. Impacted by murder of John Lennon
  28. Visited Iceland
  29. Played with ferrets
  30. Saw Shakespeare performed in Stratford, ON
  31. Eloped to and married in Algonquin Park
  32. Received spread in Globe & Mail from my PR efforts
  33. Saw George Carlin, Bill Cosby and Billy Connelly on stage (Gods)
  34. Skated on the Rideau Canal during Winterlude
  35. Eulogized my grandparents
  36. Traveled to both coasts with grandparents
  37. Had my heart broken
  38. Discovered bipedal locomotion (hey, it was the 60s)
  39. Watched the movie My Favorite Year
  40. Received an electric typewriter for Christmas
  41. Saw the crystal structure of the active site of a GTPase (it’s a geek thing, but beautiful)
  42. Watched the Toronto Marlies make the Calder Cup Finals (see also ‘heart broken’)
  43. Saw an ad I created on the Toronto Transit system
  44. Met Peter Noone of Herman’s Hermits
  45. Discovered sex (again, not first; obviously, this list is not in order; strangely, Star Wars still ranks higher)
  46. Witnessed Toronto Varsity Blues win Vanier Cup on blocked last-second field goal attempt
  47. Rode in a submarine in Hawaii
  48. Did astral photography on a mountain top in Hawaii
  49. Birth (it meant a lot to me)
  50. Celebrated 40th birthday at pool hall with wonderful friends

Faith

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Faith is believing when common sense tells you not to.

– Fred Gailey (John Payne), Miracle on 34th Street

 

We all have doubts.

Doubt that we are good enough to accomplish our goals. Doubt that our goals are even realistic or rational.

And sadly, most if not all of us have had or currently have a long line of people who are more than willing to feed those doubts with their own. Often, their superficial motive is to be supportive, to help cushion the blow of failure, to save you from certain doom. But more likely, their motive is to take comfort in the belief that your doubts make it okay for them to have doubts about their own lives.

But, if you’re lucky, you have those special few in your life who have absolutely no doubt in your future success. They’re the ones who listen to your ideas with a smile, an eager nod, and perhaps some sage constructive advice to help make your goals even more realistic.

The latter group are the people you need to heed, for they see the potential of your efforts in the absence of your fears and just as importantly, in the absence of their own.

I am not a religious man—although I have become quite spiritual—so faith has never been top of mind for me until recently. It’s not that I didn’t have faith, in hindsight, but rather that I had a very narrow definition of it. And, like my friends for me, it was easy to have faith in things external. It was faith in myself that I lacked.

More recently, however, I have realized that faith isn’t about rejecting the possibility of failure. Rather it is about accepting the possibility of failure but with the further understanding that failure does not mean your journey has ended.

Failure does not put your destination off limits. It is merely a diversion from your original path to that destination.

I know I am a good writer and story teller, but I also know I have challenges ahead in translating those skills into the money I need to make to continue writing and story telling.

Faith comes in telling myself (and believing) that through hard work on my part (e.g., networking, classes, practice) and unknown forces outside of my control and understanding, those challenges will dissipate at the appropriate time.

Like those well-intentioned naysayers, drawing a line in the sand about giving up (e.g., going back to my former career) only gives voice to my doubts. I will not allow myself to do that anymore.

I have faith that I will endure failure and that I will succeed at whatever it is I am to accomplish, no matter what street I live on.

I wish you that faith as well.

 

For an interesting piece on questions about talent and faith therein, check out this post from Plotting Bunnies: The ingredients of Writing: Talent…?

(Image is property of owner and is used without permission because I have faith they’ll get my point.)

Long weekendless

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It’s a long weekend, this weekend in Canada. We’re celebrating Victoria Day, which is a celebration of either the capital of British Columbia, a previous Queen of half the planet, or a friend of mine who blogs Victoriously.

Regardless of what we call it, however, it is a celebration of Spring (welcome to Canada) and of drinking beer on patios and at cottages—the May Two-Four weekend, as some of us older folks recall it (commemorating the Canadian single-serving case of 24 bottles).

What makes this year’s version a little odd for me is that for the last year or so, every weekend has been a long weekend, for I am a freelance writer. On any given Monday or Friday, I can choose not to work. Likewise, on any given Saturday or Sunday, you are likely to find me working. Day nomenclature has ceased to hold meaning for me.

For all intents and purposes—and I have plenty of both—the only real difference between a Wednesday and a Saturday is how many of my friends can come out to play at 2 o’clock in the afternoon. And most of my friends are in entertainment, journalism or science, so even that constriction isn’t very strict.

Admittedly, I am less likely to hold an interview for an article assignment on the weekend, but those are few and far between.

Now, my freedom comes at a price…or lack of a price, as the case may be. My pay packet is smaller than it once was. I have no health benefits but what the government gives me (welcome to Canada!). I often have to make myself go for a walk to ensure I get some exercise.

However…I don’t attend meetings. If my boss is an ass, I’m probably looking in the mirror. My commute is maybe two metres. And my drinking problem doesn’t seem to be suffering (phew!).

This morning, I seriously argued with myself as to whether I was going to work on a feature due next week or take my camera out for a walk…and it could have gone either way (I strangely decided to work on my feature).

I have no family about whom to worry or of whom I need to take care, so I understand I have a luxury of options that many feel they cannot afford.

At the same time, I watch many of my responsible friends—typically the ones who can’t come out to play at either 2 o’clock—and see them dig themselves an early grave, fighting to give their families everything except the one thing their families probably want most of all: themselves.

I may die tonight—exercising that drinking problem—or I may live for another hundred years. I don’t know. But either way, I’m not worried about it. I don’t have a timer on things to accomplish.

That’s a nice feeling.

All y’all have a great series of days that may be a weekend!

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Two’s company, three’s a story

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As I read through a lot of early-stage screenplays and stage plays (including my own), I have noticed an interesting trend: Any scene that only involves two characters is boring.

No matter what the posturing, no matter how violent or loving, no matter whom the characters are, a scene with only two characters quickly loses steam for me. The dynamic peters out, and I find a lot of writers try to overcompensate for that by simply making the characters’ gestures larger. As though they believe talking louder to someone who does not speak your language will make you any more intelligible.

I speak for the trios: Turns out there may be some behavioural psychology behind this…at least, if you’re a rock hyrax—no, no, not “Lorax”.

Last week, a research paper was published in the journal Animal Behaviour that looked at the dynamics of triad relationships between these small creatures living in the hills of Israel, and the results were fascinating.

In a dyad relationship (two individuals), the authors say, you cannot make any predictions about the future other than friends will likely remain friends and enemies will likely remain enemies. With a triad (3 individuals), however, a social power dynamic is established that can morph in any number of directions, although some directions are inherently more likely and more stable than others.

The researchers found plenty of examples of the standby relationships, such as the friend of my enemy is my enemy (+ – -) or the friend of my friend is my friend (+ + +), and found that these relationships were highly stable in that they were likely to remain unchanged from year to year for any set of three individuals.

Enemy mine: What was fascinating, however, was that the seemingly unstable and counter-intuitive state of the enemy of my enemy is my enemy (- – -) occurred a lot more often than expected by chance and that it could be quite stable from year to year. This completely flies in the face of the standard that the enemy of my enemy is my friend (- – +).

From a story perspective, however, it can make complete sense. What if all 3 of you are vying for the same objective? As one of the enemies, you have to be constantly wary that any effort to thwart one enemy will provide an advantage to the other enemy.

Friend of a friend: What was also interesting was how gender played a role in the evolution of the unstable triad the friend of my friend is my enemy (+ + -). In females, this triad tended to morph toward (+ + +), while in males, it tended toward (+ – -), suggesting the need for female cooperation in raising young and male competitiveness in breeding. Typical men, eh?

From a story perspective, though, consider the power of (+ + -). What if the friend of your friend pushed them to do something contrary to your desires? This would make them your enemy—whether you’re being altruistic or selfish. A much more interesting dynamic as you may inadvertently push your friend into making a choice between the two opposing forces.

Dynamite dynamics: Regardless of the way your scenes play out, the triad dynamic gives you so much more room to play with emotionally and socially than a dyad. At any given moment, one of the trio can switch poles and the dynamic changes. With a dyad, the sudden switching of poles better have a good rationale in your story or it won’t be believable. That brings me to my next point.

Two characters: Now, before you go out and scrub all your two-person scenes from your screenplays, novels and stage plays (because yes, my hubris states I am that influential), let me remind you I said two characters, not two people.

Environment, situation and unseen third parties can also be characters in a scene between two individuals. It is those subtextual elements that convert a vomitously dull scene into one that sizzles. The challenge is in making sure the reader/viewer knows it’s there through carefully selected word choice and narrative (NOT exposition).

Two friends meet, but one hides a secret from a previous conversation that muddies their exchange in ways unexpected by the ill-informed (- + – or + + -) (e.g., plot to every spy movie ever made).

Two men with diametrically opposed viewpoints have to set aside their differences to deal with an external threat (- – -) (e.g., Hooper’s shark to his Quint is his enemy), which turns into (- + -)).

So, when you find yourself creating a scene with only two people, ask yourself who or what is influencing this scene aside from the two people and remember to incorporate them or it into the dialogue and narrative.

As Jed Barlett said to Sam Seaborn while playing chess in a scene from West Wing, “Look at the whole board.”

Didn't want to play your silly games, anyways

Didn’t want to play your silly games, anyways

Liebster Award? Me?

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My beautiful new blogger friend at storiesbyfrances just nominated me for a Liebster Award and I couldn’t be happier.

Frances, you see, is a wonderful writer of delightful, personal fiction and for her to find any of the things I have posted to be helpful or in any way inspiring is humbling. Of course, now I have to keep up the quality.

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And, it appears, the first thing you have to do with a Liebster Award is open yourself up to the inquisitive mind of your nominator. So, here goes.

1. If you could be any character from any book, who would you want to be and why?

Henry V from the Shakespeare play of the same name. I have always wanted to be able to inspire people to reach within themselves and find the strength to reach beyond the limits of their fears to something greater…albeit, not on a battlefield.

2. What´s the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to you?

I got caught staring at the cleavage of a fellow student in Grade 12 theatre class…and by staring, I mean, her breast were practically keeping my ears warm. She neither welcomed the attention nor shunned it, so I guess I lucked out in one sense.

There was also the time that I walked in on a friend receiving fellatio from his girlfriend at work. Not sure why I was embarrassed by this, but he wasn’t, so I guess I just thought one of us should be.

3. If you could be anywhere right now, where would you want to be?

That’s a tough one to answer. As of recently, I have been happy simply being wherever I am at that moment.

If I could add “anywhen” to that, then I would say New York City, 1950, working as a comedy writer for Sid Caesar on Your Show of Shows, alongside the likes of Mel Brooks, Carl Reiner, Larry Gelbart, Danny Simon, Neil Simon and Mel Tolkin.

4. Who is the person you miss the most?

My grandmother, who passed away in 2012. She was a guiding spirit throughout my life; someone who always believed in me, even when she didn’t agree with or understand what I was doing. In many ways, she was my best friend and a wonderful companion. Name me one other woman of her generation who would read all of her grandson’s science books, dictionary at her side, so that she could converse with the babbling prodigy.

5. What´s your favorite childhood memory and why?

I don’t have a lot of memories of my childhood. It may be that times were so unsettled for me and my family that in blocking out the bad memories, the good ones have become collateral damage. This is not to say there wasn’t laughter and smiles, but I would have to say my favourite memories don’t start until much later in life.

6. What would you like to write about, but have never muster enough courage to actually write about?

I am really fortunate that at this stage in my life, there is nothing I can’t write about. No subjects are off-limits. No media are untappable. No genre can stop me.

7. Who/what couldn´t you live without?

Laughter. And not just mine; anyone’s. Laughter helps me cope. Laughter disarms. Laughter gives me perspective. Laughter is often the only exercise I get. Laughter is why I live (although not all of my writing efforts are comedic).

8. Why did you start blogging?

I’ve considered doing it for some time, and then a friend said she was going to start blogging about one very personal issue for her (I am so proud of her).

9. What keeps you blogging?

Narcissism. I need to speak and I think what I have to say will be of value to someone, even if it’s a question. And a need to know I am not alone, although luckily, that is not so scary a prospect as it once was.

10. What´s a perfect day to you?

Sunshine, a slight breeze, a notepad, two pens, an XL coffee and a park bench.

11. What makes you laugh?

Everything. I consider myself blessed with the ability to find humour in everything and anything. Others, in my past, have experienced this as something of a curse. I don’t hang around them much.

 

Offer eleven random facts about yourself:

1. I have a Master’s degree in protein biochemistry, having spent several years studying the most poorly expressed protein in the genome of a virus that attacks bacteria–phage lambda for those keeping score.

2. I am an improvisation performance junkie, although I haven’t done it recently, and studied at Toronto’s Second City Training Centre and Bad Dog Theatre under some amazingly talented people.

3. I have romantically loved only 3 women in my almost 50 years of life and while none of those relationships is currently active in the romantic sense, I am grateful to each one of those women for getting me through a special part of my life and am fortunate enough to consider myself a friend to each to some extent. (We won’t discuss after how many women I have lusted…if only because the numbers would be inaccurate as soon as I posted them)

4. I have a man-crush on the mascot of the Toronto Marlies, farm team for the NHL’s Toronto Maple Leafs. His name is Duke. (see, I told you I would write about anything)

5. I can’t read the word “cock” without smiling and perhaps even laughing because of a friend’s screenplay.

6. I love the Beatles.

7. In the last 12 months, I managed to become completely and unreservedly happy with my life. It is not perfect or idyllic, by any means, but I don’t care. I used to say that I wanted to be Errol Flynn’s Robin Hood, but felt more like Danny Kaye’s Walter Mitty. I am now Randy Willis’ Robin Hood.

8. I can’t grow decent facial hair to save my life, but it doesn’t keep me from trying, as witnessed by my present attempt at a handlebar moustache.

9. Nutella = sex in a jar

10. Speaking of sex: male.

11. Nothing can be off-limits when it comes to humour…NOTHING!

 

Nominate eleven other bloggers with fewer than 300 followers:

Okay, I feel terrible about this and will understand if someone wants me to turn the award back in, but I don’t have anybody to nominate at this point because of the 300 followers criteria. Pretty much everyone I follow has 500+ followers, and I must admit that I have not spent much time trolling for other blogs to discover the newbie gems.

In my defense, I did tell you I was a narcissist.

So, the task I set myself is to find more newbie bloggers doing something very interesting, and then nominate them for Liebster Awards. Promise!