Tag Archives: support

Risking it all

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Risk

A friend of mine recently posted the above sign on her Facebook page, and I had no choice but to share it with my Facebook community (and now you). Although I find the sentiment a little negatively toned as worded, I completely agree with it.

As many of you know, I jumped off a cliff about 18 months ago, completely turning my life upside down in pursuit of the dream of being a screenwriter. To do that, I have made a large number of sacrifices to the way my life was, but in the interim, I have discovered some wonderful things—about me and my friends—that I might never have learned if I hadn’t.

Last week, I had drinks with another friend, someone who had made a similar jump to mine. Like me, he has had some wonderful times during this phase of his life, but he is also struggling with doubt and the sense that the years of effort haven’t paid off as he would have liked. Doubt is a thing I understand.

At this moment, I have no doubt or at least not about my dream. It seems as real and viable as ever. Its realization is simply a matter of time in and work on my part. I revel in these moments and wish my friend could feel the same way right now.

When doubt does creep in, however, I do my best to give it context.

The doubt: Can I afford this conference? Is this screenplay any good? Have I made a mistake? Am I a fraud?

The context: What is the alternative?

I look back at my life before I made the jump and I realize that I can’t go back to that. This is not to say that it was all miserable…I had love and support; I enjoyed aspects of my jobs; I met wonderful people. But in many ways, all of those positives were for naught back then because I was miserable.

I was living my life for other people. I based my identity on my job and what I did for other people. I was only as good, as valuable, as loved as other people told me I was, and deep inside, I truly suspected they were lying. Through no fault of theirs, I couldn’t have faith in them because I didn’t have faith in me.

So, when I finally jumped off the cliff, I realized that what I was risking was a life of well masked misery and distrust. Hardly much of a risk from my perspective.

I understand that others cannot always jump as wholeheartedly as I did. They have responsibilities that I did not have.

I have no children. My wife and I were separating for other reasons (nice to say she remains my strongest and most loving advocate and supporter). My family responsibilities had all but disappeared. My jumping would leave no one in the lurch.

So, maybe you can’t jump like I did. I’m not suggesting that it is right for everyone. But to not jump at all in pursuit of a passion is folly.

Every day you maintain the lie, whatever your personal lie is, is another day you risk it all.

It will be scary. You will have doubts. But you’re not doing anyone any favours, least of all yourself, by continuing to pursue activities, attitudes or a life that is crushing you.

I hope my friend relocates the wonder in what he is doing and continues to explore his adventure. If he will let me, I am happy to help him in any way I can.

He is a very lucky man because he is surrounded by love and support from a community of people who adore him and want him to be happy. I hope he can take energy from that. I know I do.

Little Joe’s Heart – An infant awaits a donor

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As some of you may recall from a previous post (A parent’s call in the darkness), I told you about a friend of mine whose infant son is in desperate need of a heart transplant to keep him with us.

Almost a month and a half later, I am happy to report that Joe is still fighting, refusing to give up, but am sad to say that he is still waiting for a donor.

Super Joe

Word is getting out, though, and even if Joe cannot be helped in time, his parents’ efforts to raise awareness of the need for organ donors (including this YouTube video) is having an impact.

Like this recent report on Global TV News: Parents Pin Hopes on Heart Transplant

Or this retweet and plea from actress Shannon Elizabeth:

Shannon

Or this message of support from Grey’s Anatomy star Ellen Pompeo:

Pompeo

And of course, the continued love and support from hundreds of people worldwide.

Please do what you can to support organ donor registry in your area. None of us may be in a position to help Joe directly, but we can all do something to help other families going through the same turmoil and fear.

Please reblog this post to help spread the word. Joe and his family (and I) will be ever so grateful.

Joe and his twin sister

Joe and his twin sister

Faith

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Faith is believing when common sense tells you not to.

– Fred Gailey (John Payne), Miracle on 34th Street

 

We all have doubts.

Doubt that we are good enough to accomplish our goals. Doubt that our goals are even realistic or rational.

And sadly, most if not all of us have had or currently have a long line of people who are more than willing to feed those doubts with their own. Often, their superficial motive is to be supportive, to help cushion the blow of failure, to save you from certain doom. But more likely, their motive is to take comfort in the belief that your doubts make it okay for them to have doubts about their own lives.

But, if you’re lucky, you have those special few in your life who have absolutely no doubt in your future success. They’re the ones who listen to your ideas with a smile, an eager nod, and perhaps some sage constructive advice to help make your goals even more realistic.

The latter group are the people you need to heed, for they see the potential of your efforts in the absence of your fears and just as importantly, in the absence of their own.

I am not a religious man—although I have become quite spiritual—so faith has never been top of mind for me until recently. It’s not that I didn’t have faith, in hindsight, but rather that I had a very narrow definition of it. And, like my friends for me, it was easy to have faith in things external. It was faith in myself that I lacked.

More recently, however, I have realized that faith isn’t about rejecting the possibility of failure. Rather it is about accepting the possibility of failure but with the further understanding that failure does not mean your journey has ended.

Failure does not put your destination off limits. It is merely a diversion from your original path to that destination.

I know I am a good writer and story teller, but I also know I have challenges ahead in translating those skills into the money I need to make to continue writing and story telling.

Faith comes in telling myself (and believing) that through hard work on my part (e.g., networking, classes, practice) and unknown forces outside of my control and understanding, those challenges will dissipate at the appropriate time.

Like those well-intentioned naysayers, drawing a line in the sand about giving up (e.g., going back to my former career) only gives voice to my doubts. I will not allow myself to do that anymore.

I have faith that I will endure failure and that I will succeed at whatever it is I am to accomplish, no matter what street I live on.

I wish you that faith as well.

 

For an interesting piece on questions about talent and faith therein, check out this post from Plotting Bunnies: The ingredients of Writing: Talent…?

(Image is property of owner and is used without permission because I have faith they’ll get my point.)

Dads: Not just an oatmeal cookie

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A wondrous Father’s Day to all of you men and women who have provided guidance, structure and love to the next generation.

Being a Dad is about more than genetics; it’s about putting yourself out there for another human being and making sacrifices to help them be the best human being they possibly can. It’s about knowing when to cling tight and when to let go. It’s about providing rules while allowing freedom.

When you put a child on your shoulders, you put all of us on your shoulders, for the connections you make with that child today will resonate with everyone that child touches in later life.

Today, we lift you on our shoulders and say thank you for helping create so many beautiful people.

I celebrate all of my friends who are fathers and in particular, my brother Scott, who I respect more than he can imagine for what he has done with my nephew and nieces. That is the true mark of a man. Well done, bro.

And more personally, thank you Grandad. You meant the world to me.  You gave me guidance, you gave me love, you gave me beer when no one was looking. You were not perfect, but that didn’t make you any less a role model.

Always Here If You Need Me Award?

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A wonderful moment this morning as I logged into my blog and learned that good bloggo-patriot Julian Froment had nominated me for the Always Here If You Need Me Award.

As Julian explained, the award was designed to celebrate the love and support you get from those special few in the blogosphere who not only appreciate what you post but also make an extra effort to comment and provide support and feedback.

I am touched that Julian feels this way about me, and likewise, greatly appreciate his support and enthusiasm for my blog.

The rules of the award are:

  • Post a picture of the award somewhere on your blog.
  • List 5 things that make you happy.
  • Nominate 3 people who have always been there for you, who have always provided support and enthusiasm for your efforts, and to whom you feel you could turn when you’re dealing with challenges. Comment on their blogs and let them know of the nomination.

So, here we go.

Happy-time station

  1. Laughter…it may seem a tad obvious, but I find too much time without experiencing laughter (mine or someone else’s) causes my brain to wilt
  2. Physical contact…I have become a much more tactile person in my later life, so merely making physical contact with objects or people helps ground me and gives me a sense of connection with my environment
  3. The smell of a used book store…the must of a second-hand shop is intoxicating for me, taking my mind to not just the myriad stories within the pages but also of the books themselves…from whom are they second-hand?
  4. Beer…a perfectly pulled pint is a thing of beauty; to envelope myself in the dark chocolates of a magnificent porter or to watch the bubbles whorl in a pint of Guinness or Boddington’s is sheer poetry; and of course, the creaminess of a Kilkenny as it rolls over my tongue and bathes the taste buds in silk.
  5. Sounds of Nature…living in a concrete canyon, I do my best to find ways to envelope myself in the sounds of nature, whether in local parks or by distant travel; it is music to my being

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My supportive triptych

I would of course love to nominate Julian, but that sounds like a feedback loop waiting to happen, so at the risk of nominating many of the same people as previous:

  • Shareen Ayoub (A Day in the Life of Shareen A), whose irreverent sense of humour beautifully parallels mine and who freely engages with me through our blogs or on Twitter
  • Ned Hickson (Humor at the Speed of Life), who has become a drinking buddy in all but drink, Ned and I have engaged in a few comedic one-upmanship battles where he has a bit of a geographic advantage (next one starts at 9am EDT, Ned)
  • Victoria Crouchman (Victoriously), who was a friend long before either of us entered the blogosphere but who has also been an ardent champion of my efforts and loyal supporter as I face life’s challenges; her blog is an inspiration to keep moving forward

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(Images used without permission, because that’s the way I roll.)

Dorothy’s Day

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Aside from my wife and my mother, the most important woman in my life was my grandmother Dorothy, who encouraged and advised me at every turn in my life. I stayed with my grandparents while I attended college and my first apartment was literally two doors down the same apartment hallway. She has always been my friend.

Dorothy passed away last year. When she did, I was given an old family photo album and as I have this nice little scanner, I thought hmmmm.

In honour of Mother’s Day and because my grandmother’s birthday was May 15th, I offer the following retrospective album of Gram as I have known her and as I wish you all could have.

If she were still alive, I am confident she would be worried all to hell about my current artistic adventures and spirit journey, but I also know she would give me all her love and support…and maybe a few hands of cribbage to keep me honest.

I miss you, Gram.