In the beginning, God created the heaven and the earth.
And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters.
And God said, Let there be light: and there was light.
Genesis; 1; i-iii
I know the feeling.
I am the Creator and the Destroyer. I am Fate pulling the strings of Destiny. I am Existence itself. The Void remains until I choose to illuminate it.
A tad full of myself? Perhaps.
But it comes with the territory, because I am a writer.
Despite all present evidence to the contrary, I am an introvert; and as a child, I tended to avoid contact with others out of fear of injury and a touch of self-loathing.
My escape from this fear was my imagination and the worlds I created.
Where the world around me was filled with questions, uncertainty, chaos, the worlds of my mind were clean, certain, orderly. Good was good. Bad was bad…and even bad was good given time and understanding.
And over all of it, I was God.
The world didn’t exist until I put pen to paper, and just as quickly, it blinked out of existence when I lifted that pen.
I am no longer that child—well, perhaps a less fearful child.
The world in which I live is coloured with all shades. It has texture. It has flavour. And while it still has chaos and uncertainty, I am better able to embrace that chaos, to find freedom in uncertainty.
Likewise, the worlds I create have become more nuanced. Nothing is either good or bad, but instead is delicate and needful.
And over all of it, I am God. But even Gods evolve.
Where once I enslaved my worlds to my control, I am now more apt to offer degrees of freedom, to allow my worlds to ride the wave of existence.
I completely reserve the right to rain fire and brimstone, but am more likely to use a gentle hand with my charges. What were once caricatures are now sentient beings with a full range of emotions and thoughts, prone to mistake and capable of wonder.
And perhaps, in allowing my worlds to move beyond me, I achieve true Godhead. For as much as I no longer define their existence, they no longer define mine, and I am free to be me.
Ehyeh asher ehyeh.
I am that I am.