Category Archives: Comedy

Reflections on or attempts at

If you can’t find time to write, then MAKE time — or I swear I’ll send you a fruitcake!

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Ned is absolutely correct! So I wrote this and let him do all the heavy lifting!

Ned's Blog's avatarNed's Blog

image Because this week’s Nickel’s Worth on Writing happens to fall on Friday the 13th, and because undisputed Master of Horror STEPHEN KING was kind enough to send in a special accolade, we’re totally skipping my normal introduction about offering writing tips based on my 15 years as a columnist (stop yawning) so we can get right to Mr. King’s unsolicited accolade regarding the value of my weekly NWOW and how a run-on sentence can get people to read an entire opening paragraph before they even know it!

Comment from THE Stephen King:

“Ned, I visit your Nickel’s Worth quiet often. And so does my LAWYER. We’ll be in touch.”

— Sincerely, Stephen King (Undisputed Master of Horror)

Wow!

With that kind of affirmation, I could end this post right there — and my lawyer agrees I probably should. But my weekly NWOW isn’t about me; it isn’t about flaunting the…

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Lost & Profound

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Every once in a while, I like to pretend I am drunk and come up with something profound. These are some examples:

If you want to change the world, you’ll need a lot of diapers!

I don’t live in the past, but I do have a vacation home there

When all is said and done…why don’t people shut up?!

NEVER SURRENDER! Unless the other guy has a gun and bullets…I mean, geesh, you can always start over later

She wore a slinky dress, and proceeded to fall head-over-heels down the stairs

Do you think the first use of the word “typo” was someone incorrectly keying the word “type”?

Never be pedantic…and by pedantic, I mean, being annoying to people by giving too much attention to minor details or by correcting unim…

That which does not kill you, only makes you paranoid that there might be a second one

Insanity isn’t all it’s cracked up to be

If you can’t tell a book by its cover, why’d you put the bloody title there?

Do words ever fail a mute?

I’ve never been a fan of using grate-protected high-speed rotary blades to generate unidirectional currents of air

I find echoes repeat on me

(Image is property of owner and is used without permission until I am profound out)

Coming out to the ones you love about your alternative (writing) lifestyle

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Like a good turkey dinner, this is worth repeating

Ned's Blog's avatarNed's Blog

image (Today at Siuslaw News, we are short-staffed and on early deadlines, with many of us suffering the lingering effects of tryptophan and alcohol. The result is an extremely small staff of tired, hungover reporters trying to put out today’s edition. Being that I am the tallest and least hungover, I am suddenly an integral part of assuring today’s success — which is a stark contrast to the role I normally play in the newsroom. What does this all mean? For those who recognized the title of this week’sNickel’s Worth on Writing, you already know it’s a repeat from a year ago regarding what it means to be a writer. For those who never read this post or, for reasons of their own, blocked the experience from their minds, this will be new to you. In either case, whether reading this for the first time, a second…

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Happy Thanksgiving, America

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Still waiting for the conversation that begins:

Native American slowly walks up to POTUS and kind of shuffles his feet, looking everywhere but at POTUS.

POTUS: Hey sweetie, whassup?

NA: Hey Anglo. You know I think the world of you, right?

POTUS: Oh, oh.

NA: I was sooo excited when I invited you to move in.

POTUS: You made me so happy that day.

NA: Yeah, we were going to do so much stuff together. Discover the world. Make new friends. Redecorate the place. It was going to be great.

POTUS: Was?

NA: Yeah. *pause* Look, you’re a great people and all that…

POTUS: Spit it out.

NA: It just hasn’t worked out like I thought it would.

POTUS: What’re you talking about? We’re having the time of our lives!

NA: YOU! You’re having the time of YOUR life. You shut me out of everything.

POTUS: Sweetie. *attempts hug*

NA: Don’t touch me! This is hard for me to say, but it’s… it’s over between us.

POTUS: This is because of that football team in Washington, isn’t it?

NA: Don’t try to trivialize this!

POTUS: So, you just want me to move back in with my mother?

NA: I don’t care where you move. I just want my place back.

POTUS: Come on. Look at me. We can work this out.

NA: Fine! I didn’t want to tell you this. But I’ve… started to see the Chinese.

POTUS: What? *laughs*

NA: What’s so damned funny?

POTUS: I started seeing the Chinese, too!

NA: *laughs* Oh, my Earth Mother! Are we a pair or what?

They hug and when POTUS is at work the next day, NA throws his stuff onto the front lawn (in Canada).

(Image is property of owner and is used without permission, so deport me!)