Let go(al) and let…just let go

Mountain

Don’t have to climb the mountain to admire its beauty

Where do you see yourself in five years?

It’s a common question at job interviews and often creeps in silently when people reach age or career milestones.

Rephrased more broadly, it is asking: What are your goals?

In most Western societies—the only ones I really know—we are told it is good to have goals; that you need to set your sights on a destination and follow that path to its conclusion. It is how you get ahead. It is how you find happiness, or at least the stuff that brings happiness.

I have spent my life working this way.

Checklist

Life goals complete

I tell you this not to present my resume—you can find that on my LinkedIn pages (yeah, I have two)—but rather to explain the pattern of my life (and probably yours) in contrast to where I am today.

You see, for the first time in my life, I have no goals. And I am finding it incredibly disconcerting.

Sure, like everyone else, I have daily, weekly, monthly and yearly obligations.

I need money to pay for rent, food, bills, hockey tickets, beer. I have editorial deadlines and the odd gift to buy. But I have no long-term goals. I am living my life without my next destination in mind.

Five years from now? Hell, I sometimes don’t know where I’ll be five minutes from now.

In some ways, I am as close to living in the moment as you can get without living under a tree or in a cave (basement apartment notwithstanding). And it’s freaking me out.

Having a goal is a hard habit to break after 50+ years.

Butterfly

What if I had missed this moment?

To be clear, I’m not looking for a goal—floating freely has some lovely benefits—but I struggle some days to know what the point of my day is or was.

Simply being is really simple—it requires no preparation or gear—but our society has taught us that it is wasteful; that it is selfish; that even our “free” time must be productive.

Having no goals, I find, is entirely selfish. I can only affect change in myself.

But I’ve come to realize that “selfish” isn’t bad in and of itself; only when it negatively impacts others, which I don’t believe I am.

Still, like a good Pavlovian pound puppy, I sometimes find myself whimpering at the window, waiting for someone to throw the stick of destiny, to give my life meaning and purpose.

Is it okay or desirable to lead a purpose-less life? Is that my purpose? [Never met-a-physics that didn’t hurt my brain.]

But then, it’s 7:30 a.m. and the alarm goes off. I turn it off and go back to sleep.

Life without goals definitely has its upside.

Winter (?) in the Beaches

This time last year, the beach near my home in Toronto was buried under several feet of snow and ice (see the photographic evidence here and here), but this year, not so much.

I managed to take the camera out yesterday and was surprised at how Spring-like the area was.

Nudes and Nature

Debbie Boostrom

If ever there was a campaign for “Milk, it does the body good”

A thousand years ago, when I was a much younger man, I found myself in possession of an issue of Playboy, where I discovered a lovely young woman named Debbie Boostrom.

I was smitten (let’s agree to leave it at that).

I remember sharing my discovery of Ms. Boostrom with some school friends at a hockey rink (where all good Canadian things happen). And at some point, as we admired her physique, I found myself saying aloud:

“Man, can you imagine what she looks like in a bathing suit!”

That my friends chose to remain my friends is a testament to their patience…or possibly to their respective inabilities to make friends.

In any event, I too joined them in shock at the idea that it would be good to alter such loveliness…and especially cover it.

Well, a thousand years later, I find myself in similar shock, but less with nudes than with nature.

Recently, on the way to a hockey game (see what I mean), I took an amazing photograph of a sparrow in a thorn bush.

SONY DSC

Given my fascination with nature, my initial inclination is to focus in on the bird, but in this case, I decided to keep the image relatively wide, the bird blending in beautifully with its surroundings.

I was smitten (let’s agree to leave it at that).

As I was discussing the photo with a friend earlier today, I commented that the photo would make a great painting. If I put a wash over it, it might look like something wildlife artist Robert Bateman would paint.

Batemix

Just assumed Bateman was born on a foggy day

Hunh.

Yet again, I want to take something I smit (that’s a word, right?) for its natural beauty and alter it…even cover it. Such delicate detail and I want to blur the lines.

Maybe this is some deep-seated desire to mar the things I love to spare myself the pain of inevitable rejection…although Ms. Boostrom has reportedly passed on and there must be 439 other sparrows in that ruddy bush.

Perhaps I am a closeted Puritan who believes there is evil in anything that brings pleasure. Nah, my love of hockey and bacon, and my Jabba the Hutt-like lair (and body structure) suggest otherwise.

Or maybe I’ve stumbled onto a hybrid art form.

Yes, you too can Batemanize your family portraits!

I don’t know…maybe I’m just weird. I should go to the rink and think about this some more.

To wash or not to wash?

Toronto’s Christmas night

Before being pre-empted by my Christmas eve wanderings, the plan had been to wander the downtown core on Christmas evening (Dec 25th, to avoid confusion).

Memories new and old

With nothing to do on Christmas Eve and no family to prepare for, I decided to visit my grandparents, who currently reside in the ultimate retirement village: St. John’s Norway Cemetery. And, of course, what is a family get-together without pictures.

 

Random shots from a walk

On my way to my weekly bacon sandwich at Rashers (long story) and eventually a Toronto Marlies game (second post to come), I grabbed some photos of the neighbourhood.

Lost in Austin

Although I was in Austin to attend the amazing screenwriters’ conference attached to the Austin Film Festival, I did manage to make my way around town with my camera (and cell phone).

Sadly, it was not until the day I left that I discovered the amazing trail around Lady Bird Lake (formerly Town Lake). Next year, I will be back with a vengeance to record the trail and its astounding diversity of flora and fauna.

See also:

Ron Scubadiver‘s Town Lake photos

Pierce Wanderings Town Lake Kayak photos

Living Outside the Box Town Lake photos

Kelly Phillips‘ Town Lake in January photos

Blustery day

The seasons change pretty quickly in Toronto. One moment, we are complaining about the heat and humidity; the next, we’ve swapped t-shirts for parkas and bathing suits for balaclavas.

Such was the case earlier this month when a windstorm rolled in over Lake Ontario and the beach near my home. I still have sand in my pockets.

Visiting the Rouge Valley

Last week, I spent the day on the eastern edge of Toronto in a large conservation area called the Rouge Valley, which basically extends from the north end of Toronto (near the Metro Zoo) down to the shores of Lake Ontario.

And yet, for the 6 or 7 hours I wandered, I can only really say I explored maybe 10 percent of the region. Perhaps, I’ll get back before the snow flies…I know I’ll be back in the Spring.

Twirling spiders and battling butterflies

So as I checked the mail earlier today, I noticed that our entire front porch has been taken over by a huge spider web…perfectly timed for Hallowe’en, it would seem. Even better, the spider was still in the web, wrapping up it’s lunch.

Honestly, I only planned to take one photo…and an hour or so later, I had several one-photos.