In keeping with my recent focus on happiness and passion, I want to let you know that it is perfectly okay to be unhappy.
Really. I promise.
If you’re unhappy, you have every right to feel that way AND to express your unhappiness.
We live in a society that is terrified of unhappiness. Our consumer ways are designed to give you everything money can buy to be happy.
When we see someone who seems unhappy, we try to get them to smile. We ask them what’s wrong.
And in more extreme cases, we try to medicate the unhappiness out of them, the premise being we would rather that you be an emotionless zombie than unhappy.
And rather than face being unhappy, many take to self-medicating whether through narcotics or alcohol, food or sex, or other social mechanisms to display an artificial happiness to the world.
We can be afraid to express our unhappiness with the world for fear the world won’t accept us, that they will take offense at our unhappiness as though we were blaming them for it.
Will my partner think I am blaming him or her? My family members? My co-workers? My friends?
If I tell them I am unhappy and can’t explain why—and often we can’t immediately see it—will they abandon me?
In some cases, with some individuals, the answer may be yes, and that is unfortunate. But in my personal experience, the answer is no.
I worked for several years with friends on a sketch comedy show. It was a labour of love all the way around, but at a certain point in the project’s development, long after my creative contribution culminated, I became unhappy with my involvement in the process. But I was afraid to say something.
How could I tell my friends I didn’t want to do this anymore, that I didn’t want to participate in our dream project? Would they hate me? Would they tell me to fuck off and die?
I eventually worked up the balls to discuss this with them, to lay out my dilemma. They saw that I was serious and that I was struggling. They asked a few questions for clarification. And then they accepted my decision and continued to love me (and do to this day).
Knowing I was miserable working for one company, another friend got me a position in her company (we had previously worked together). My new coworkers were wonderful, the job was what I had wanted. But six weeks in, I realized I didn’t want to do this job anymore…I wanted to move on to a different dream.
How could I turn away from a wonderful job? How could I betray my friend who introduced me to this company? How I slap these amazing people in the face?
I told my friend I was unhappy and wanted to explore my new dream. She was delighted for me and knew I would be brilliant. I told my new bosses that I loved their company but had to follow my heart. They were thrilled and agreed that I had to pursue my passion.
We often don’t give the people in our lives enough credit for wanting what is best for us. We let fear get in our way; fear of rejection, fear of the unknown.
We are repeatedly told and have come to believe that unhappiness is wrong; it is an aberration; it is an affliction.
It is none of these.
It is a feeling, an emotion, a sign. And we must give it the same respect that we give our other emotions, from anger to joy, from sadness to elation, from frustration to fulfillment.
There are not positive emotions and negative emotions. There are no good feelings and bad feelings.
IT IS OKAY TO BE UNHAPPY!
Until we accept and embrace that we are unhappy, we can never figure out why we are unhappy or what we want to do about that feeling and those circumstances.
Love yourself enough to listen to yourself. Feel what you feel. Share what you can.
Ironically, being unhappy may be your first step to being happy. And if it isn’t, that’s okay, too.
Happy as a verb
Tales from the Other Side of Freedom (Effortless Alpha)
The Expansion Project